Don’t Apologise! How to Avoid Setting Yourself up for Failure Before You Even Speak
Imagine you go into a restaurant, and as the waiter shows you to your table and hands you the menu, they say, "I hope you don't get food poisoning from this."
Or you're going for a routine operation, and just before the anaesthetic kicks in, the surgeon says, "I hope I don't kill you." Or your dentist, as you’re settling yourself in for an extraction you’re already a little nervous about, says jokingly, "I hope I don't make a mess of this"
It doesn't exactly inspire confidence, does it?
And yet, I don't know how many presentations I’ve listened to where the speaker starts off by saying something like, "I hope I don't bore you."
or
"I'll try to get through this as fast as I can because it’s really not that interesting."
Imagine setting yourself up for failure like that before you've said a single word!
Choose your words carefully
With statements like this, we don’t mean to undermine ourselves. Most of the time, it’s just nerves kicking in - you’re trying to build a connection with the audience by poking a little fun at yourself and injecting some humour.
This is a coping mechanism that’s easy to fall back on if your speaking confidence is low - it’s a form of self-preservation. By setting the bar nice and low, well then, even if your speech doesn’t go “fantastically”, at least you haven’t disappointed your audience because you already warned them, right?
But be careful with the language that you use to do that. Because if you begin by saying, "I hope you don't find this boring," the word that will jump out at your audience is "boring".
And if your audience is primed for “boring,” that's what their brains will focus on. So instead of creating the connection you were looking for, you’ve already placed a barrier in your way.
Our self-talk has a huge impact on our confidence. Imagine the effect that rehearsing a speech with the opening words, "I'll try not to bore you too much," has on us.
How can you deliver a speech with energy and enthusiasm after that?
So what can you do instead?
Take it back to basics
To help you boost your confidence without undermining yourself, let’s go back to the foundational piece of honing your speaking skills - preparation.We can break this down into two stages:
1. Audience Analysis
2. Practice
Know Your Audience
Before creating any content for your speech or presentation, your first step should be to carry out some audience research and analysis.
Put yourself into the shoes of your audience and ask,“Will they find this interesting? And if not, how can I make it more compelling, appealing and relevant to those listening?”Keep these 3 questions in mind to guide your research:
Who are they?
What do they know?
What do they need to know?
Then you can start thinking about how you’ll bridge that knowledge gap in a way that’s interesting, engaging and makes your audience want to listen. Which means you won’t start your presentation by warning your listeners they might be bored!
Read this article for more guidance on Audience Analysis: What It Is, Why You Need It and How to Carry It Out Effectively.
You can also download my free Audience Analysis checklist, where I take you through a simple process to guide your audience research.
Practise (but not until you’re “perfect”)
Once you’re comfortable with who your audience is and that you’ve tailored your content so it’s relevant and engaging for them, now it’s time to practise.
But not in the sense that you learn your speech off by heart and can recite the whole thing from memory. No, by “practise”, I mean being familiar and comfortable enough with your content that it will feel like a conversation with your audience.
For more detailed advice on effective presentation prep and practice, you might like to read:
Your 5-Step Guide to Planning Powerful Presentations
4 Key Things to Focus on When Practising Your Presentation or Speech
And check out this article to find out why “perfection” might not be the most useful goal for your next speaking opportunity.
A better way to boost your speaking confidence
Words matter. Even if you’re saying it lightly, by attempting to lower the audience’s expectations before you start speaking, you're undermining yourself and your abilities.
Taking the time to prepare thoroughly, research your audience and be completely comfortable with the content you’re going to present is a much better route to boosting your speaking confidence.
If this is something you’d like support and guidance with - I’m here to help.
Click here to book a complimentary intro chat to discuss how I can support you in achieving your public speaking goals.
Hi!
I'm Maureen McCowen and
I work with individuals and teams to help them unlock their speaking confidence.
To explore how this can support you or your team, email me or use the contact form here.
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